Back from a Walk and my Drunk Mom, May 13, 2019
4:14 pm, Monday, May 13, 2019
#4
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| My cat all snuggled up! |
So I am back from my walk, and who else do I find waiting for me but Leena! She always found my room the most comforting which I understand considering that when
I first got her she stayed in my room and didn't really go outside of it. She also sits on my windowsill often and watches the birds and squirrels and other animals/bugs wander around. I was afraid she would fall out the window in the beginning but now I know that she would never, unless she really is an idiot like me. Hah, the other day while cooking a cracked an egg and it fell into my silverware drawer! I had to clean all the silverware again and it was just a mess...
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| Hey, Beans! |
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| Oh, so NOW you want to show the sun. |
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| They smell kind of bitter, like cleaning wipes. |
In other news, my mom came home drunk. Really drunk. and sad. She started ranting about how I don't love her and that I'm not going to have children and that her life is meaningless while washing her feet because she got gods to know what on them. She kept telling me to go to sleep and that I should leave her and blah blah blah. Well, I went to my room and felt kind of bad, and 30 seconds later I hear "FUCK! WHO THE FUCK DO I KILL." and she runs into my room, busts the door open, and starts yelling at me to call her phone. Apparently, she thought she lost it. Then she says some remark about how I finally did one good thing. I think I know my mom is depressed, and it's even worse when she's drunk. She has been getting distant lately and I feel like we no longer have a good relationship anymore. I don't want my mom to hurt herself. I don't want my mom to kill herself. I don't want her to tell me that I would live on the streets after she died because she was the person keeping me smart (i have a dad and stepdad). I don't want her to be so disappointed in me. and again, I don't want her to die. not yet, she's only 33.
Well, dearies, I'm sorry I didn't post this yesterday, my computer died and I was tired.
That's a really huge flower! what is that?
ReplyDeleteAlso, sorry it's rough with your mom. Especially if you are legitimately worried she might harm herself.
Hopefully you can tell her how much she means to you- and maybe it'd be possible to tell her you are worried for her health and safety.
I dunno... Fingers crossed I hope things get better for her and you. Also I hope you know someone else's depression is never your fault.